How I stuck my foot in it!

In typical Sagittarian fashion, I managed to embarass my boyfriend in front of his relatively new colleagues and his boss to boot. Not embarass in the sense that I made him feel any less intelligent or that I poked fun at his new haircut or something he said. No, it was far, far worse than that. Im still kicking myself over this, however, due to the opinions of two of my friends as well as that of my mother on the seriousness of my blunder, I've allowed myself to have a little laugh about it on those occassions when I'm feeling lighthearted and have grown tired of beating myself up about it.

Boyfriend and I had been invited to the housewarming party of one of his colleagues about two weeks ago. We'd known about this party for about two weeks in advance and to be honest, I wasnt sure I even wanted to go as I wouldnt know anyone there. But since Ive been trying to make an effort to be more sociable these days, I said Id go. Ill tell you though, that what really made up my mind about going was a closer look at the invitation. The girlfriend of Boyfriend's colleage had created the cutest invitations by drawing cartoon characters of herself and her boyfriend, with their two daschunds . The fact that they have two of those pooches was what did it for me. They are my absolute favourite breed of dog, and before I go out and get myself a puppy Ive been dying to spend some time with some to get an idea of their personalities, so it was a perfect opportunity to do so at the party. I joked around with Boyfriend that I had visions of myself spending pretty much the entire evening with these little dogs, but promised him that I wouldnt be completely unsociable.

As we arrived at the house, another car pulled up and Boyfriend reversed a bit so that he could ask the other driver where we were supposed to park. As we were parking outside the complex Boyfriend said, "Thats Peter, my Sales Manager".

On entering the house I decided that I wanted to show Boyfriend that I was more confident than he would expect me to be, so I took the initiative and walked up to everyone standing in a circle outside and introduced myself and shook their hands. I was doing pretty well, and even got involved in a conversation with them.

After some time I went inside and made conversation with the hostess. She was really nice, and we started talking about her two black and tan miniature pedigree daschunds. The female is pregnant and is due in two weeks time, so I was all broody over the little dogs and thinking about the puppies to be.

Anyway, the point is that I think I was making a pretty good impression and not coming across as shy and reserved as I usually am with people I dont know.

When I went back outside I saw that Boyfriend was chatting to a colleague of his whom he'd pointed out as someone he wanted to introduce to me. I went over and Boyfriend introduced me to him and his girlfriend. His name was Kurt. Peter was also standing there in the little conversation circle. I stood there for a bit and listened to the conversation, which was about Kurt and why he's chosen to go into the motor trade.

I then remembered Boyfriend telling me about Kurt and how he's worked in the tile industry for just over a year, but that he's very interested in cars, and has decided he's going to leave the tile company (where Boyfriend works) to work for a car sales place. He was talking about how he's been walking around handing out his CVs to all the car shops all over the place.

Anyway, Kurt was saying that he thinks its time to try something different after over a year in the tile industry, but that he values what he's learnt at the company.

Now, bear in mind that there were loads of people from Boyfriend's work at that party. Loads. I kick myself every time I play this over and over in my head.

I remember standing there waiting for a little break in the conversation so that I could say something. In my mind I thought I was contributing to the conversation. I thought Kurt would appreciate the question and that his answer would be valuable for Boyfriend since he loves the motor industry too.

Anyway, so when the perfect gap presented itself, I spoke up and said something to this effect:

"So Kurt, [Boyfriend] and I were actually talking about this the other day. How did you manage to work for over a year in the tile industry if you love cars so much? I mean, [Boyfriend] is passionate about cars, and tiles arent really his kind of thing, so why did you stay so long before deciding to get into the motor industry if you love cars just as much?"

There was this sort of stunned silence while people eyeballed each other nervously, wondering if they had indeed heard me correctly. I was mortified.

Only towards the end of what I was saying did I realise the terrible blunder that I'd just made, and noticed the look on Kurt and his girlfriends' face. I couldnt even look to my right where Peter was standing. Somehow "Sales Manager" didnt correspont to the word "Boss" in my head at the time of saying what I did, and it only clicked into place when it was far too late to stop. Even if he wasnt Boyfreind's boss, it still wasnt a wise thing to say in an environment where 75 to 80% of the people at the party work with Boyfriend, or are friends of people who work there.

I remember blushing furiously. Kurt made a good recovery by saying that sales is sales, no matter what industry you're in, and he'd learnt a hell of a lot at the tile company and would use that experience in any other sales jobs he might have, etc.

I tried desperately not to meet Boyfriend's panicked eyes, but when he managed successfully to jab me with his elbow, I quickly looked up into his eyes and gave him an "I KNOW!!" look with mine.

At that moment I very much wished I could leave right there and then and go home, but there I was, blushing furiously and trying desperately to avoid anyone's disbelieving gaze. I felt miserable.

After a moment of awkwardness while I tried to think of a reason to leave the little group, I was presented with one when I realised my drink was finished. I asked Boyfriend if he wanted another drink (even though his beer was still pretty full). He refused of course, and then thre I was, off in the blink of an eye. I was gone for a long, long time. I spent a lot of the night in the house with the dogs and chatting to the hostess. Eventually later on I spoke to Peter. Not about what had had heard that I work for a firm of attorneys and asking what the name of the firm was, etc.

I did try to make amends by mentioning that Boyfriend is really quite interested in buying properties, doing them up (bringing the whole tile and other decor stuff into it), and then selling them or renting them out for more than he would have charged without it being renovated.

I think I did okay in terms of convincing Peter that Boyfriend isnt just passionate about cars, but is also interested and believes in the products he's selling. I also hoped he found me interesting and friendly and a nice person, so that his good opinion of me might help him forget the huge blunder Id made earlier that night, and also so that he might not take my mistake out on Boyfriend. I was hoping he would realise that what I think and say (even if I didnt mean to say it) is not necessary what Boyfriend thinks, or how he feels.

I honestly kick myself so hard and so often when I think about it. I felt like crying on the way home. How could I be so stupid!!?! I could have ruined Boyfriend's career, now that he finally has a job after being out of one for 2 months. Even now we dont know what consequences my stupid remark has made on where he stands with his boss.

Apparently the next day Kurt said to Boyfriend, "I cant believe [your Girlfriend] actually said that. And with Peter right there!"

Boyfriend also told me that he felt extremely awkward at work the following Monday morning, imaging that everyone must think he's a fraud, pretending to be all interested in what he's doing just so he could get the job.

I've since relayed the story to two friends of mine who think its funny and that I shouldnt beat myself up about it. My mother feels the same, although she had a huge laugh about it, her being a Sagittarian herself.

I must admit though, that laughing about it did help me feel a hell of a lot better about it. I guess I just have to accept that its just part of my nature and all. ;)

Withdrawal Symptoms

I think I might have discovered the reason for all these headaches and sudden drops in energy levels halfway through the day. The main keywords being sugar and caffeine. For the past 2 weeks or so I've been marking off a little dash each time I drink a glass of water. The aim is to drink about 6 glasses per day, although the lowest I ever drop is 4, with the exception of one day where I only had 3. The reason for all of this effort is due to one of the resolutions I wrote up in January. While it's unlikely that 6 glasses of water equals 1 and a half to 2 litres, it's still a start. A side effect to having all this added liquid sloshing around in my body, is that I'm constantly running to the loo, so surely I'm drinking more than enough for now.

Before I started glugging down copious amounts of water, bringing healthy snacks and a packed lunch to work each day, I used coffee as a way to warm me up and / or to fill me up. It got to the stage where I would be drinking about 5 or 6 mugs of coffee in a day, two of which I would have at home as my morning coffee, and then another one as soon as I got home from work. Surely all that caffeine can't be good for the system. So for these past 2 weeks I've been replacing all those mugs of coffee for cool, crisp fridge water, except of course for my morning coffee, which I refuse to give up.

But during this mini-detox I'm almost certain that the headaches have been more frequent, and that my energy levels have been dropping quite drastically. For some time I was confused as to why I've been feeling like this. I mean, I exercise, I've been eating fairly healthily (aside from the occasional take away on the boyfriend's insistence), and I've been drinking what I consider to be a good amount of water each day, so why should I be feeling as tired, headachy and generally blah, if not more, than if I wasn't doing all these good things for my body? It just doesn't add up.

Yesterday on the way home I voiced an idea to my boyfriend about why I might be feeling this way. I had heard from an acquaintance at Boot Camp, (which, by the way is now over - sniff-, but more on that later), that caffeine in small doses can be quite beneficial in terms of giving a quick burst of energy and alertness, which I think is true if you aren't overdoing it. I think my tiredness and lack of energy might have something to do with the fact that I'm not drinking as much coffee as I used to. Of course I don't need to, and in fact shouldn't go back to 5 - 6 mugs of coffee a day, but possibly one coffee in the middle of the day might do me some good. Besides the caffeine effect, it could possibly be the fact that I'm not having as much sugar as I used to, considering that I had 2 heaped teaspoons of sugar with each coffee.

Another find to support my sugar theory is that today it is one of the attorneys' celebrated his birthday. You might be wondering what this has to do with sugar levels, when in actual fact the link is quite obvious really. What are birthdays if they don't mean cake? Hmm? There was lots of it too. While I recently turned down a slice of cake that was bought for the office "just because" by the Conveyancer, one look at this cake and I thought, "Oh, what the hell, eh!" I only had one slice, but it was a very rich, very dreamy chocolate cake, which I'm sure was packed with sugar galore, and voilà! I'm still sitting here at my desk as alert and alive as ever.

So it would seem that the logical solution to an energy depletion crisis would be to keep a good supply of yummy cake on hand, which does wonders to pick you up. It's great! You should all try it!! And I think I might have overdone the sugar intake a bit!!!

But seriously, I think I might have to work on a more balance diet of some kind as I would hate to see what I look like after a month of eating cake every day.

Boot Camp, as I mentioned earlier, is sadly at an end, and I am entertaining all kinds of jealous feelings when I think about the people from the Boot Camp that I attended, who have signed up for the next one starting on Monday, and the Conveyancer here who will also be attending from next week with a group of friends.

Of course I will be attending another one in the future. (Once I've paid up my dentist bill - or rather repaid my boss for lending me the money to pay my dentist, but its pretty much the same thing). But knowing that I will be taking part in another one some day doesn't stop me from being a little envious about it.

I'm almost tempted to pitch up at the Boot Camp venue in my gym gear, copying all the exercises and stretches that they do, but with a little bit of distance between myself and the legitimate Boot Campers of course, so that they can't quite complain that I shouldn't be there. Hey, its a free world, and if I want to practice what I've learnt at Boot Camp and I happen to be at the same place at the same time as a Boot Camp session is taking place, then who can blame me really. I think it could be very comical actually. I just wish I had the guts to pull a stunt like that to see what their reactions are, although I'm sure it won't come close to the time when three pale, skinny guys ran up to our class, each wearing shocking pink speedos, who proceeded to stretch and pull muscleman poses right in amongst us without a hint of a smile on their faces while being filmed by a buddy standing off to the side, but anyway, it would still be a laugh, I'm sure.

One thing I'm quite proud of in terms of Boot Camp, is that besides the certificate of completion that everyone gets, I was given one of the special certificates which were being handed out with small gifts from Boot Camp's sponsors. My special certificate was for being the fastest runner at that particular Boot Camp, which made me feel pretty good actually. And on the certificate of completion a gold star had been stuck in one of the corners with "Perfect Attendance" written on it. Such simple things really, but they made me feel proud of myself for deciding to do something for myself, and going at it alone.

And you'll never guess what my particular gift from one of the sponsors was (because they are all different).

A box of tampons and a roll on anti-persperant. Admittedly the roll on smells really good and actually works, but I just cant get myself excited over a box of tampons. Sorry.

Resolutions: Same Old, Same Old

When it comes to making resolutions for the New Year I'm the kind of person who goes about it in a half-hearted fashion. Even as I write them down I just know deep down that its going to be impossible to keep them, so why bother.

You might wonder why I bother thinking about it and writing them down in the first place. But I am a person of good intentions, even if they dont often come about, so this year I've decided that I will continue to make resolutions (although admittedly they are pretty much the same that I make every year), with the difference that I will possibly, maybe, hopefully manage to keep some of them if not all of them.

So here goes….My New Years Resolutions for 2007 are:

*drum roll*

• Drink more water. Try to get up to drinking at least 1 and a half to 2 litres a day. (made yearly).

• Keep up my running routine, and try to improve upon it. (made yearly as "be more active", or "try to exercise more", so this one has been improved upon to some degree).

• Try harder to stop biting my nails. (Even as I write this I'm chomping away!). (Definitely made yearly!).

• Make an effort to be more patient and therefore to complain less. (Pretty much made yearly).

• Stop getting library fines! (It’s a stupid waste of money that could be put to better use!). (This one's a newbie).

• Get my Learners License (Again!) and actually make an effort to drive as often as possible in order to become as confident as possible so that I can book my Driving Test. Because come on already!

• Try to replace all negative thoughts with positive ones to avoid depression. (Not too sure if this has been an actual resolution in the past, but it has always been an intention in my mind, and I have always told myself that it is something I should try to do more regularly. I've never really succeeded at it though).

• Go for an HIV/AIDS test. (This resolution is a totally new one to me. I've always been terrified of having the test taken, and not for the reason one might expect. It's the needle prick and the taking of blood that freaks me out the most. I'm terrified of needles! That's why I've never gone for the test. It's also why, despite perfectly good intentions, I haven't donated blood (yet). It's something I would like to do, but geez, call me when there's a better way to go about it please! Some time ago my office did a voluntary HIV / AIDS survey, where the blood test results would not be divulged even to the person who had taken part in the survey, and barcodes were used instead of our names to protect our identity. Despite being terrified of the needle, I decided I couldnt be the only one to chicken out, and went ahead with the survey. When it came time to prick my finger I very quietly freaked out, but let the nurse get on with it anyway. Surprisingly it wasnt bad at all, which has led me to believe that I could do it again, but this time to get my results. I've always thought that the HIV / AIDS campaign where there are billboards up, or radio adverts where a person states that they know their status, and then ask, "do you?" is a good one. I think it's important that everyone knows their status.

• Make a provision for health issues, i.e: dentist or doctor, etc. (This is also a newbie, which has come about due to a tooth cracking and actually breaking off recently. Normally I'm very lazy when it comes to my health, prefering to just get over a cold or cough instead of running to the doctor every time and running up massive medical bills. My tooth has made me come to realise that I should probably stop being so lazy / unphased about my health, and get fixed whatever is breaking or has broken instead of constantly putting it off due to being too terrified. Of course this mostly applies to my teeth, since the issues I have with them arent the sort that will just get better, like a cold or cough, etc.).

• Take part in a 5km fun run, and see just how far I can manage to run. (This is definitely a newbie since I only started running more seriously in September 2006. The only race, besides the Cape Times Big Walk, that I took part in was the 10km that I did in October, I think it was. Instead of taking part in the running group of the 10km, I opted to join the walking group, since I have no real idea of my capabilities when it comes to running a race. I would like to at least make an attempt to take part in a 5km run just to be able to guage my ability).

• Try to work on my listening and communication skills. (This is another yearly one! But it's a very difficult one when Boyfriend starts talking about cars and how they work, and what bike he's now decided to buy (which changes almost weekly), etc. My mind kind of shuts down and I start thinking about other things while doing the obligatory nodding of the head and appropriate "uhuh" and so forth.

• Finally, finally, finally finish the "Horse & Lion" pencil drawing I started in either Grade 11 or Matric (2000 or 2001). (This one is a newbie because I am getting sick of seeing it hanging on my bedroom wall with a huge white section that really just needs to be shaded in. You see! With all the good intentions I've had over the years to finish it, it still isn't done!)

While I could probably come up with some more resolutions...in fact, I know I thought of other things but just cant quite remember what they are at this moment...I dont want to overload myself with too many, considering that keeping past resolutions hasn't seemed to work for me so well. (Note how many are yearly ones!).

Due to my pretty pathetic attempts at keeping resolutions, I shall narrow the list down to the things that I think I could probably handle (eh, maybe, not so sure, but we'll see about that). Of course the idea is to manage all 12, but on a realistic scale I somehow dont think it's going to be possible.

My Substantially Narrowed-Down List of Resolutions:

• Running (Im pretty certain I'll be able to keep this one up).

• Drink Water! (With a bit of determination I suppose I could do this one).

• Get Learners License! (Well, this one is a must. I'm pretty certain that this one will be accomplished - infact, I should be booking the test tomorrow!).

• Stop Biting Nails! (Eh! Ya! We'll see about this one).

• No More Library Fines! (Well, I am pathetically lazy when it comes to walking over the bridge to take library books back. I know I can do this one if I just try hard enough. How hard can it be?! But we are talking about me here, so....).

• Finish "Horse & Lion" pencil drawing already! (This just has to be done! No excuses! To prove just how little I actually have to do, please see below picture. Note that the camera flash was reflecting off the shiny pencil. Scanning would solve the problem, but I dont have easy access to one).
  
  My step-father is a very goal orientated person, and while we were having supper at Ocean Basket that Friday when I managed to throw a dart at my foot, we had a discussion about making goals for 2007 as opposed to making resolutions. I think the two are pretty much the same, save for one distinctive difference.

To me personally, goals are more clearly defined than resolutions. Goals tend to have a time-frame in which they should be completed. While you could say that resolutions also have a time-frame, such as the year ahead from when they are made at the beginning of each new year, I tend to see them as having a more general purpose in my life than goals do. To me, resolutions are guidlines that I wish to live my life by one day. Maybe that is the reason I dont often succeed in keeping these resolutions. Maybe I need to label them as goals, and set a (generous at first) time-frame by which time I can assess my progress. Maybe that is just the motivation someone like me needs.

My step-father asked each one of us where we think we will be in the next five years, and what we want to have accomplished by that time. Those are tough questions. It's difficult for me to look forward and speculate on how my life will be, where I'll be living, what I'll be doing with my life / career, etc. I've always struggled with that. I'd much prefer to set goals with a shorter time-frame so that they don't get forgotten, and so that I don't grow bored and lose interest in them. But goals are difficult for me to form. As such I don't really know where I'm heading. It's pretty sad, really. I come to work, do my work, and then go home. I don't feel that my career defines me like it does a lot of people. While I do enjoy my job on some level, I'm not entirely sure that working in a legal environment is what I really want to be doing long-term. For now though, it is okay. It pays my rent and affords me the independance of living in my own place, even if I have to rely on Boyfriend's salary to feed me.

Boyfriend's general response to the five-year-questions are that there's no real point in stating what he would like to have achieved in five years, or where he will be at that time. He says that since there are countless things that can happen during those five years, what is the point in saying or writing down goals for such a long period of time when its quite unlikely that they may be accomplished?

I understand his point of view completely, but I also think it's wise to spend some time thinking about where you are in life and where you are heading in the future. I've been encouraging him to talk about what he wants to do with himself, etc, and what do you know? A list, albeit a short one, began to form. Now he just needs to give them the label of "goal" or "resolution", and there we go! I think he was a little surprised that it wasnt so difficult afterall.

So, armed with this list of resolutions, here's to a Brand New Year for all of us!

And here's hoping that all of us who compiled a list of resolutions will have the strength of character to stick them out at least until the end of the year!

(...err..or this month...)