I did something stupid

I've been neglecting my blog for a bit for various reasons. Ive been pre-occupied with the 10km run / walk race Ive entered, which is on Sunday, and whether or not I should register for an Adventure Boot Camp thing that is a month long and will be taking place from 15 January 2006. I have finally decided to register.

Another major issue is that Boyfriend found out that D and I email each other. It was really stupid. Boyfriend's parents are away for the week and we popped in to check for post and do a load of washing. I thought Id check my email to see if there were any comments on my blog. There were'nt. But there was some junk mail that I wanted to delete. Boyfriend sneaked up behind me and pointed at the screen demanding why there was an email from D. I hurriedly closed the screen, a sudden heat rising steadily to my face. It didnt even occur to me that he might sneak up to me (why would he do that?), and it didnt even occur to me that there would be an email from D there. I was just thinking about blog comments. How stupid can I be? So he now knows. And he is very upset because even when he's asked me in the past, Ive said that we dont keep in contact. Its understandable that he's upset. Of course.

But these emails are strictly friendly. We dont speak about feelings or ever try to meet up. The only time we could have met up was on the train before he went overseas, but since we never discussed what carriage he'd be in, it was pretty much up to fate.

Ive emailed D to tell him that Boyfriend knows and that he isnt happy at all, and wants us to stop. He doesnt want to stop of course, because he enjoys it and we have lots in common, but he says that its entirely up to me, and that he has no intention of damaging a relationship. Do I carry on, or do I stop?

I really feel quite miserable about all this. Besides that, I feel restricted. I hate being forced to do or not do something. It just isnt me. So, I am entirely pre-occupied with being miserable right now.

I never knew it would come to this.